Dost thou love me?
I know your mind is minced
But if you do
Damn you, for torture
But if you don’t
I’ll reluctantly take your place in Hell,
But if you refuse to tell me…
I’ll not know the outcome
Nor shall I abandon my cause
It will fade with time passing
New ones will take its place
It will make you cry
For joy, perhaps
Fading tone, slowly
Until only white remains
Unless you’re not careful
Then will come stains
Stains, however, can make images
more beautiful than the original, perhaps
Until they fade as well
Then the process begins again
Until you get to the point
Where you refuse to see images
And see just stains
Knocking anxiously upon the door
with my hammer at my side
Knowing not what I’m here for
No time to run, no time to hide
Your breath, falters
My mind, alters
Animalistic
I walk away
Keeping guilt at bay
Since there’s no place to hide
I haven’t blogged/ranted recently, but I feel that now would be an appropriate time to do so.
Firstly, I find the way that my life is currently occurring, repetitively and uneventful, to be maddening. This is how my life this year has occurred so far: I wake up in the morning, go to school, talk to the same friends everyday and do the same classwork over and over. Sometimes playing tennis after school. After that, I go home, do any chores/homework I have, then sit on the computer staring at inconsequential tidbits of information either about the world or about people’s lives. On the weekends I try to have plans but no one wishes to engage in activities with me (which I shall bring up later in this post) so I’m forced to resort to the computer related activities mentioned before. Oh, and talking to Alyssa on the phone and playing games whenever we’re both unoccupied 
This way of living was fine… and then I got bored with it. I really really really really wish for something interesting to happen. I don’t even care which event occurs, as long as it’s eventful. They could be, but aren’t limited to:
- Someone pulling the fire alarm
- Someone pulling out a gun at school
- Any sort of competition which I would have a reasonable chance of competing in if I put a substantial amount of energy into preparing for said competition
- Engaging in a physical altercation
- Engaging in a verbal altercation
- Engaging in a written altercation
- Someone flooding the school building
- Anything worthy of making it onto the local 5 o’clock news.
You get the idea. Number two I don’t really like because it implies people getting hurt. Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated because I honestly have no idea what I want.
Another reason life is quite… irksome is because of the people involved. Some people think that I’m “bossy” and “demanding” and “don’t like it when things don’t happen to go exactly as I planned”, but it’s justifiable to act this way when:
- They’re all losers and don’t make their own plans because they don’t like having lives.
- Every time i try to make plans with someone they cancel. This weekend for example I had different plans with 5 different people and every single one of them canceled for different reasons.
- If I don’t make plans, no one else will, so if they want a say in the plans they should help to plan them
Look at me being all listy today Anyway this is quite irksome and keeps events from occurring which keeps me from being entertained which causes me to spend 4-day weekends at home writing blogs about how much I hate not having a life.
So please, kind readers, do something with your life, and then help me do something with mine because I’m bored with living.
There’s a time to walk
There’s a time to think
A time to wonder
And a time to wink
But never a time to do nothing at all
Always having to be at someone’s call
Images and ideas always burning your mind
To be successful, and wonderful
Grateful and Kind
In a place where it’s safe
To be happy and free
At what cost does it come?
To do something
The young little lark build himself a nest
One he thought better than the rest
He bragged and he boasted to all of his friends
To pigeons and bluebirds, roosters and hens
A mockingbird heard these boasts from his perch
And flew to the crowd who sat around a birch
“Lies and deceit!” the mockingbird proclaimed
“Mine’s better by far if not the same!”
So the crowd followed the bird back to his nest
Where they easily saw it was obviously the best
The young little lark didn’t like this at all
He threw a great fit, the mockingbird’s nest swayed, then falled
After this the young lark lost all of his friends
But he was content with his best nest in the end.
The sounds of music play inside my head
Reminding me that I am not dead.
These sounds are merry and fill me with glee.
Much more so than from the outside you could see.
Tis not for ambiance, which you might think.
But if this notion were to be conceived
I’d smile and wink, and disagree naught.
For ‘twould be peevish to expostulate
But if, for some reason, music were to be stopped
The internal peace I maintain would cease
And an outward flux of All would ensue
And if, for some reason, passion was gone
And the would were to suffer in silence
I’d think not twice of invoking vice
As a final act of defiance
To work one’s whole life is a great success,
But a fool would assume other have not,
Endured the pain from which you now rest,
And now seek comfort, just as you’ve sought.
You give yourself greater value that all,
Value which you have not earned or received,
I wait for you off your horse to fall
And all other, your ignorance be freed
You think that you’re right, without exception
The most knowledgable and smart, indeed.
Delusion greatly clogs your perception
Brings self-imposed deception, I see.
So you might think, “I’m holier than thou.”
But thou art off by a very long way
If the truth were to be told, you’re scarcely endowed
I pity those who in your company stay
You care not whether I worry
Or that I feel your pain
Out of my life you wish to hurry
But my heart remains the same
I give you all. You give me naught.
I know this isn’t fair
But when you stand there by my side
I pretend you actually care
We go in circles every day
Yet logic’s far behind
From soft blue dawn to twilight’s grey
You’re always on my mind
We go in circles everyday
You’re always on my mind
A feeling grows inside my heart
As you and I, we, drift apart
This feeling overpowers my head
And makes me wish that I was dead.
But why such strong emotional pain
To block my thoughts and cloud my brain?
Out of this, I have not to gain.
Does my heart make me insane?
Alas, I myself cannot be sure
For I still, this pain endure
Although I think it would be best
For me to put my mind to rest
To move on to bigger and better things
And forget my love, and the pain it brings.
Allgoodd
